Even with Time.

One of the most upsetting truths of all time
is the fact that you can love someone totally,
and not be able to stand them at all.

           

And you must let these two contradictory emotions exist
in their own amounts,
in your head/heart,
because trying to make one
overtake the other
will just break you.

       

Love can’t be helped.
You have no say in that.

          

You don’t have to spend time
with someone who only does things
that upset you, though.

       

Sometimes they do things that hurt them directly,
and you only by watching.
You can’t change them,
so you leave them.

        

Do you love them less? No.

           

Not even with time.

             

Sometimes their self-injury hurts others,
and you know it, even without being there.
Because you love them, so know them,
and know what they were getting up to when you left.

      

And all you can do is be glad you’re not there,
because you can’t change them.

     

Do you love them less? No.

          

Not even with time.

        

And, though it starts as a runner-on-the-blocks reflex,
poised and ready for the gun,
waiting for them to say “Help me” drags on,
until you find yourself living life,
and looking forward to other people,
and no longer thinking about running that race.

           

But sometimes they do call,
and sometimes the “help me” is real,
and so full of “I have no more answers”,
and “I don’t want this anymore”,
that though you stopped believing the gun would ever go off
you are off and running.

             

Sometimes, though, the “help me” is full of “Tell me I’m right”
and “Make me feel like I matter”
and “If you cry I must be real”.

But if they call you have to answer, and find out which it is.

           

Because you love them.

                  

Even after years.