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Saturday, September 20, 2014

Tourist Manual (old piece, still relevant)



Welcome to Portsmouth. Some pointers for increased enjoyment:
1:  One parking spot per car; stop signs and red lights DO mean you. “No Parking” is not code for TOURISTS ONLY. 
2:  There is No Food Court. The restaurants are everywhere. This is not a mall.
3:   Be nice to the locals. They cook your food. Have you seen “Fight Club”?
4:   SideWALK. Not “MiddleSTAND”.
5:   Detaining locals, especially in the middle of the street, to ask directions, is a guarantee of being misdirected.
6:   The strange looking teenagers may in fact be on drugs. Or in college. Or cooking your food. Again, have you seen “Fight Club”?
7:   The crime rate is low. This is because relatively few people live here. The more people who move here, the higher the crime rate. Do you understand?
8:   Starbucks is NOT the only coffee in town, it just has the most familiar sign.  The local java is better. Much. Again, this is not a mall.
9:   One’s small children do not license adult rudeness.
10: The root word in Gratuity is Gratitude.  Good service, any paid service, should be appropriately compensated. 
The tip is not included in the price.

As with any where you travel, treat others as you would be treated. We will do the same. Enjoy.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

1st Piece Written For, and Performed at Beat Night 8-21-14 (Those Kids)



Those Kids

Those Kids
who,
when waiting
for the school bus
just past dawn,
and having no thought
for those of us still sleeping
in the rest of the complex,
were loud.

As one of their grandmothers put it
“Talking like everything they say
is the most important thing anyone ever said.”

The boys would brag about stupid things
they’d done,
and the girls would call the boys out
telling them
they were liars
or stupid.

Because Those Kids
were kids, and kids do that.

My ex taught art in the complex
and Those Kids loved her classes,
and her,
and called her Miss Heather,
which made her feel weird.

Neo Nazis, both kids
and parents,
threatened to attack
Those Kids
after school one appointed day,
in the name of
white pride.

Those kids mostly stayed home that day.
The attack never came.

But I saw,
one day soon after,
on the dirt road behind the complex,
a young white guy,
sitting in an old car,
Diligently and nervously
at work on something in his lap.

And the next day I found
a pipebomb that had failed to go off.

I called the police.

The officer who arrived
confirmed pipebomb,
and said to me
with a knowing tilt of the head
(that I’d begun to take to mean ‘between us whites’)
“Those Kids probably did it.”

I tried to say something to the effect that,
had any of those kids done it,
we’d have heard about it
from them
while they waited for the bus.

I mentioned the white guy in the old car.

“Nah. It was those kids.”

It reminded me of the night
We were robbed
while out at the doctor,

Returning to find
the security chain on the door,
a window open,
and my guitar gone.

The detectives got the facts,
and one said with a conspiratorial
tone
“It was one of Those Kids.”

I wanted to know which one he thought it was,
because,
when Those Kids heard Miss Heather had been robbed,
They all showed up,
surrounded our apartment,
a couple of boys with baseball bats,
Just in case the thief was still inside.

So I wanted to know
who
in particular
the detective
suspected.

He could only repeat
“It was one of Those Kids.”

Weeks later
the thief was caught, in another town,
by another Police Department.
I saw pictures of him.
Though
redfaced,
he was white as me.

The detective returned my guitar,
saying nothing else
about
Those Kids.

Chris Walters,
August 7, 2014

2nd Piece Written For, and Performed at Beat Night 8-21-14 (To My 4 Dead This Year)


To My 4 Dead This Year

Mom.

Last I saw you I was still marveling after years,
that you had shrunk, from a heavy woman
of 5’7” to a birdish collection of bones
in sallow skin that came to my chin.

Though you’d been dry for years your brandy
had dissolved much of your body
and its ability to repair itself,
and cigarettes
had begun carbonizing your lungs.
Eventually
there wasn’t enough energy to produce mania,
a quiet, tearful paranoia
replacing the manic rages and their true madness.

I remember you mug of E&J Gallo in one hand,
Merit Ultra Light 100 with a 2 inch ash in the other, eyes hooded like a dozing lizard,
Telling 20 year old me “You do whatever you have to to survive”.

I did. And, eventually, to survive, I stopped talking to you.

I remembered one of the only requests you ever made (demands being your usual mode),
that you be cremated and scattered at the Wiggly Bridge,
a place you so adored
you pictured it during a failed hypnosis session to stop smoking.

I scattered you on the incoming tide, after some of my friends
and some employees of the hospice told happy stories of you.

While I was glad to know my memories of you
weren’t the whole of your impact  on the world,
I was left with questions: why wasn’t I worth that much effort?
Why wasn’t your son enough reason to get help, why didn’t I deserve this caring woman my friends got?

Realizing those questions showed a still burning anger,
I thought about your 2 most important, and unintentional lessons, taught not by your words, but the example of your life:
1. Repentance is just a word, apology is meaningless; reformation is what matters; forgiving the unreformed invites further hurt.
2. If you can decide to fix your broken mind, then you owe it to others to do so.

Watching as the in-rushing water took you to the peace you never found alive
I wondered
how many times the tide will cycle
before I have peace with my memory of you.

Professor A

Allan. I’d wondered what became of you.
You, the Elvis Room’s resident psychotic, entertaining and annoying the teens and 20 somethings with your weird.

Large, bearded, in your 40s, surrounded by legend. According to rumor a former surfer who could be seen in the background shot of some movie.

One evening, as you made bizarre
and
offensive comments to women
laughing your “Hoohoohoohoo!” laugh,
I asked you a personal question.
You seemed not to care if you offended, so should take it as well as give.

“How long did you spend in the hospital?” I asked.

“I was there so long I was part of the furniture. I was there so long they made me an aide. But you’re kinda little.” They’d just make you a herpe.” And, having hit the high note, you left the room.

Always offering one of your cigarettes, Dorals, pointing out that they had part of your name in them “Doral. See? Dor. Al.” Which seemed to mean you had to smoke them, and why wouldn’t anyone want one?

And you had that cigarette sex metaphor joke, the only thing you ever repeated in linear fashion, something about the Lucky Strike Hotel, where “He slipped his filter tip into her flip top box”. I meant to record it, but never got to it.

I asked you once
“What happened to you?”
And you stopped being silly,
became focused, telling me
that your girlfriend had slipped you LSD
while in college,
that you had never wanted to try it,
weren’t interested,
but she didn’t care what you wanted,
and one moment
you and she were in your room
and the next (you remember) you were in the hospital,
and nothing was right again,
and they gave you speed,
“Do I seem like a speed type of person? No! I’m a downer type of guy, but oh no, they knew best!”
The whole story came out quickly,
dripping venom, even after 25 years.
Boundaries transgressed again and again,
and a permanent alteration of your life,
putting you forever in someone’s care.

You were never just entertainment to me again after that.

Sometime after that conversation you addressed me as “Doctor Chris!”

I replied “Doctor Allan!”

“Doctor? Me? Oh no! No, no, no. Not me!” you explained something about too much time, focus, work.

“All right, how about Professor!”

“Hmmm…Yeah! That works! I teach ‘em, you treat ‘em!”

From then our greeting was

“Doctah C!”

“Professor A!”

“Indubitably!”

Your life, before it ever intersected mine, was a story of making the best of it, building from ruins.

I learned from you that, when given a choice, take it.
And there is always more than what stands before me.


Goat Ears

You probably didn’t know
that you were called Goat Ears.
The name was given you
by one of the kindest people I’ve ever known,
who never swore,
but had to tag you somehow
to fit your demeanor:
loud and arrogant. Nobody with Goat Ears
could be so great as you thought you were.

I found the Maine firefighters announcement,
the morse code heralding your passing,
the tributes.

I felt two powerful emotions,
a relief akin to liberation
and a shocked resentment that they didn’t know
what
they were honoring.

I was 7, maybe 8
when it started. You would have been 14.
You were my first carnal knowledge,
unwanted, disgusting.

You would bring me gifts sometimes, toy trucks and the like.
In front of others you would knock me down, and run away laughing.

I aged out for you around 11.
I hadn’t perspective enough to be grateful,
but life was less awful.

I reached adulthood, and sometimes wondered how many new kids were suffering my fate.
I dreaded returning to York
knowing you were on the Fire Department,
terrified I’d be injured
and you’d be in the ambulance,
fearing my reaction not yours.

A few years ago I heard you’d reached 500lbs.
I knew you had to be suffering in that shape, and was glad.

I heard that you had been seen
after attending an accident
running into a convenience store
and cramming down 2 loaded hotdogs,
uniform shirt still covered in another’s blood.

That stuck in my mind:
that’s eating disorder behavior,
eating as a drug
to escape stress.

It’s common among victims.

I wondered:
were you not born
the thing you were,
but made that way?

Did someone touch you,
and fill you with self-loathing
as you did to me?

Realizing the pattern fit,
I felt years of my hatred
warm
replaced with pity.


Robin

I don’t remember liking
Mork and Mindy that much.

But your stand up
in my teens
was brilliant.

I tried to imitate your fast-talking
silliness in conversation, and talked myself down rhetorical cul-de-sacs by quoting you:
“I had to give up drinking; I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass saying ‘it’s fine, it’s just flooded”.

“Uh, dude, you don’t have a car.” I was 15, and couldn’t argue.

But you were always entertaining,
and I tried to tell myself that was all.
It wasn’t, of course.

I owe you a lot.

When I was 17, Dead Poets Society came out.
A friend and I went to see it.

At that point I clung to life by chewed nails,
Depression always looming untreated,
feeling no value in life
but the moments of thrills and entertainment
and drugs.
My driving motivation was to not feel bad.

Dead Poets Society may not sound like a film made for psychedelics, but I took a tab of exquisite acid (Woodstock, I believe, after the peanuts character), because that’s what I did then,
and went to the theater.

It could be said
that I was a little too
into the movie
that night.

I heard the gun shot that isn’t in the film;
when Charlie punched Cameron I shouted “YEAH!”
and when Cameron mouthed off more I shouted
“Hit Him Again!”
And when the boys climbed on their desks
I had to hold on to my seat to not climb upon it.

But I wasn’t just tripping face; I was opened to the message as well.
I was the same age as the boys in the film.
And, like the character Todd Anderson, felt that everything inside of me was worthless, or embarrassing.

He composed that poem about the “Sweaty Toothed Madman”,
not making it up, but letting it out,
because what was inside him
was real and vital,
and worth hearing.
Your Mr. Keating leaned in and, as the boys wildly applauded, said to him “Don’t you forget this”. I felt you said it to me, and I haven’t.

You told me it was okay to be me, to write as me.

And I’ve written poetry ever since.

My life would have gone a much different,
perhaps shorter
way
had that not happened.

My words brought me validation,
let me feel
my life was justified,
whereas, before
I’d always just tried to avoid hurting.
That way lay drugs and death.

I’d forgotten the sheer impact of that movie
on me
until I heard you’d ended yourself.

I feel guilty
somehow
that you gave me such a gift
and now there would be no way for me
to repay it.

But a gift is given with no expectation of return.

So I’m left with sadness,
But also
life,
and 
so much gratitude.


Chris Walters
August 21, 2014



Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Murphy's Laws of Thermodynamics



Murphy's First Law of Thermodynamics: at any given moment, in any given place, all the wrong people are on fire.

Murphy’s Second Law of Thermodynamics: The likelihood that a particular person will be on fire is in inverse proportion to how much they deserve to be.

Chris Walters, 2010