Hierarchy of Intoxication

Hierarchy of Intoxication


I was thinking of this at my shrink’s office.


Any feeling that is so pervasive as to alter perception of reality could be said to be intoxicating.
I have ingested a fair number of chemicals in attempts to find a state of perception that I enjoy enough to repeat, but have realized that not all buzzes are from external chemicals. Here are some of my findings.
(Please note that I have studiously avoided Cocaine, Heroin, Crystal, and Ecstasy for no other reason than the people on them looked like asshats.)




16. 150% dosage of Adderall.
15. Afghani hashish.
14. Super-clean Goony-Bird (early 90s MIT specialty) Acid.
13. First unqualified good feeling after a depression.
12. Very Drunk during a Happy Manic.
11. 2 Old Time DayQuil Gelcaps (containing Sudafed), 2 cups of coffee, 2 shots of
Southern Comfort, and a 102degree fever.
10. Realization of a new crush.
9. Reciprocation of a new crush.
8. Consummation of a new crush.
7. Adrenaline from risking your life after becoming okay with the likelihood of
dying.
6. Rapturous applause for performing your own work, at great risk to your
artistic integrity.
5. Really good shrooms and 3 hits of Opium of unknown origin.
4. Goony-Bird Acid plus 1 hit of Moroccan Opium.
3. Realization of Fresh Fallen New (real) Love.
2. Telling her of Fresh Fallen New Love, feeling like you may die at any second.
1. Hearing her say it back to you, and knowing it’s true.

Some of you other parents out there may argue that your children have altered your reality, but I say to you:

1. Do you really want to think of your children and a state of intoxication in the same go?
2. Make your own damned list.

Final consensus is that drugs get slapped around by Romantic stuff. Romantic stuff also doesn’t cause memory gaps. The hangover, however is Holy Mother of Evil.