"Amusing" (another old piece)

This is another more adult themed piece, but it's humorous. Even I can say that past my own embarrassment on the day.





                                                           Amusing






    (let me first explain
        that my bedroom door
    opens onto the landing
for the whole apartment house,
    and that said house
        is just past aged,
    approaching venerable,
    so sometimes the frame
    swells
    when it rains
    and lets go of the woodglued door
    to let it play in the wind of my fan)


It’s a night
I think
in August
and no one I needed was at the bar
so I’m buzzed
and I’m home
and maybe I’ll write or maybe I’ll just
amuse myself
like I’ve done chronically
since age nine,
so much so
I should have died of laughter
many times,


And I’m thinking of the new neighbor upstairs,
how she moved in on the hottest day of the year,
and she was so FINE,
    tank topped
    Daisy Duked
    and a perfect little size
with no patience for my retro-actively adolescent eyes,


But it doesn’t matter
because I
am amusing
myself,
and I’m thinking
I could pick her up with one hand
so
by myself
I try;


And she sounds so
SWEET,
“ohmygod”
    her bliss,
        “OhmyGod”
        her rapture,
    “OhMyGod”
her epileptic
epiphanic
gratitude,
“OHMYGOD”
    her unbridled disgust;


waitasecond;
Disgust?
Why the hell did I fantasize that?


Then I hear the door upstairs slam
with the final authority of a fallout shelter lid
and the creak of my own
as it plays
in the wind
of my fan.


           Christopher Walters, 2000