Walters' Rules of Wrist 6-20-14

Rules of Wrist 6-20-14

Wounded People

 Healing

Deciding you are healed does not make it so. Positive attitude only goes so far. Real healing takes work and time. And it doesn’t count if you haven’t done the work, just waited a while and declared yourself healed.

Over-simplified metaphorical example: A wound that needs stitches will likely not close on its own; do the work, get the stitches. Waiting for it to close will just leave you open to infection.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Appearances

Being able to parrot socially acceptable views on anger and hatred doesn’t mean you are not angry and hateful; it may just mean you’re so adept at psychological camouflage that you can even hide from yourself.

See Healing.

Seeming is NOT being. The truth is truth, regardless of manipulated public perception, and the truth always comes out.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Therapy

Believing yourself immune to therapy is a self-fulfilling prophesy. It also demonstrates a weak ego that needs cheap validation, and a deeply ingrained dishonesty. In “proving” therapy’s ineffectiveness, you are “proving” yourself “right”, and can tell yourself and the world “I tried, but it didn’t work”.

And you can brag that your problems are so bad that they can’t be fixed, casting yourself, at least in your mind, as some kind of superlative, ie “The Worst”, or “The Sickest”, or “The Walkingest Wounded”.

The goal of therapy is to get to the Why of some pervasive thought or feeling that makes your life worse. In fulfilling your own prophesy you are avoiding self-examination and getting at the truth.

The reasons why you sought help did not simply go away just because you wasted a therapist’s time on an exercise of self-congratulation.

See Healing.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Saviors

No one is going to “hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together”, especially not a lover.

Don’t put that burden on someone else.

Don’t sabotage any chance at a successful relationship by this expectation of superhumanity from your lover. You WILL discover that they are JUST human, and your disappointment will be cruel. 
It will ruin your relationship. And likely has ruined others in the past.

If you identify with the notion of having “broken pieces” that need to be stuck “back together”, then you are probably wounded. If you are wounded, you need healing.

But this:

Is bullshit, a fantasy of a quick fix. It’s a daydream of using another person, not just as a drug, but as a cure. And, if that is your goal in a relationship, you should probably remain alone. And you need healing.

All this and an allergy to silver

This is a long, and very very dark piece.

All this and an allergy to silver

You taught me well
mom,

or rather


I learned well your lessons

That we can't safely wear silver


That emotions take precedence at any given moment

But the mind is supreme
and full of blades, and bribes


That its exercise
is in filling itself
and reeling back after
nearly losing itself
over and again


That the mind's recreation is
in reshaping
anything
that words can move


Starting with other minds


Then what those minds control

from money to flesh;


Always make them think it was their idea
because it was
even if
without you
it would have been one they'd not have thought;


If even slightly aware that you've altered their normal thought-flow
they'll resist,

even something they clearly need.

I learned well mom.


I am as explosive as you
But less destructive

I am even angrier
but more ethical

I don't need, or want everyone else to do what I want.


I modified some lessons, and taught a new one to my boy:
whereas you taught me to try to control others I taught him
to try to control him. 
I taught him something else, that you never
seemed to learn: there are choices, even with a head full of monsters.


I'm still struggling with that one; the monsters in your family frequently
take choices away for a time, leaving only a decision on how best to clean up.


I've decided to apply all I've learned
to me


To make
me
do what I want


And I've had to employee every bribe, and every blade
to even start...


I drove her away. I didn't want to be without her
but I couldn't stop being
Your Flesh
Your Meme
Your Lessons

I couldn't stop being cruel to her
not for any length of time.


One of the worst parts is knowing that much of what I did
was a defense against you

when you gave in to your transformation.


Only she didn't transform; just got treated that way.


I saw a lifeline for her, a way for her to be free of me for times
so when she could be enticed away

I happily said "Go"

Thinking she'd be safe from me for a while

not understanding how complete
Away
would be.


I employed all the tools you gave me
improving most
by sobering sooner

and played the game on her

and played the game on me;


She even, for a time
wanted me in her life in some way
but your flesh
and lessons
felt "some way"
more painful than
no way;


I let the crazy off the leash and cured her of me, I think.

So you see mom,
I'm better at
you
than you


& I may never be sure
Whose idea it really was.