It couldn’t be ‘elped
(An almost true story)
(In Manchester England there are 2 major teams- the Mighty United, and the Heathen Manchester City. Read this piece is in an approximation of a Mancunian accent, ie the housekeeper from Frasier.)
It couldn’t be ‘elped, yeah?
I mean it ‘ad been real,
& more than magic
but she moved, right?
It couldn’t be ‘elped. Yeah?
And she pick me up
On Christmas Day
For a Graveyard Walk,
Too right, like.
And it ‘ad all changed
With ‘er all distracted
& distant, like.
& Still out of reflex
I wanted to grab on to ‘er
Wrap round ‘er
Never let go of ‘er;
The greater the treasure
The greater the greed,
Like.
& I thought about ‘ow it started, like;
She picked me, yeah?
She
Picked
Me.
I’d come to accept that a
Limping, unemployed, alcoholic with Tourette Syndrome
Is not considered a prize by most women, yeah?
But this young woman
‘oo turned all the ‘eads,
‘oo could ‘ave anyone she wanted,
The most beautiful, magical, talented
Creature I ever ‘ad me ‘ands on
Picked
Me.
So it couldn’t be ‘elped, yeah?
Like I’s sayin’
It wa’ Christmas, like.
& I looked at ‘er
& somethin’ about ‘er said over, like.
And I tried to understand it
But I was at a loss, like.
So I just looked down
At me scarf
In the colors of the Mighty Man United.
Then I knew, right?
I looked at ‘er
And she wa’ dressed in the colors of Manchester City, like.
Me feelin’s just bloody well died, right?
It couldn’t be ‘elped, yeah?
Chris Walters, Aught Five
