Divorce papers

My divorce papers came.

I had decided not to go to the hearing, just to let it all be done.

There were promises broken, in addition to the divorce happening in the first place. Foolish me; I'd hoped someone incapable would become capable.

I want to have no more feeling about this. She can flip a switch and feel she wants. She says. I don't believe her. She believes her. I'm jealous of her capacity to self-delude.

My karma is no longer legally bound to someone who lives by a whim, who can't keep to a budget, bargain, timetable, promise, or vow.

I'm mainly relieved. I'm still angry.

All those years with someone who can't see their own part in anything, who thinks their blame extends no further than starting a thing that failed, with no clue in what action of hers caused the failure.

I have no charity left for her. I was thrown away like trash by someone acting like trash, acting just like the mother she hated.

My curse, until she changes herself: That she see herself as she is rather than how she wishes, and feel appropriately at the sight of herself.