Tourist Manual (old piece, still relevant)

Welcome to Portsmouth. Some pointers for increased enjoyment:

1:  One parking spot per car; stop signs and red lights DO mean you. “No Parking” is not code for TOURISTS ONLY. 

2:  There is No Food Court. The restaurants are everywhere. This is not a mall.

3:   Be nice to the locals. They cook your food. Have you seen “Fight Club”?

4:   SideWALK. Not “MiddleSTAND”.

5:   Detaining locals, especially in the middle of the street, to ask directions, is a guarantee of being misdirected.

6:   The strange looking teenagers may in fact be on drugs. Or in college. Or cooking your food. Again, have you seen “Fight Club”?

7:   The crime rate is low. This is because relatively few people live here. The more people who move here, the higher the crime rate. Do you understand?

8:   Starbucks is NOT the only coffee in town, it just has the most familiar sign.  The local java is better. Much. Again, this is not a mall.

9:   One’s small children do not license adult rudeness.

10: The root word in Gratuity is Gratitude.  Good service, any paid service, should be appropriately compensated. 

The tip is not included in the price.

As with any where you travel, treat others as you would be treated. We will do the same. Enjoy.