On Narcissism, because it keeps coming up in my life

 (This is largely for the person who reads me at approx. 6:45AM most mornings, and at 1:45AM this morning, if you are whom I think (if not then disregard). Most others may be uncomfortable with parts of it. Some of it is hidden, and has to be highlighted to be read.) 

Read the name of this site:
narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.org

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Dot Org.

The condition is so hard on people that someone developed a website to specifically learn about and deal with the effects of it.

I seem to be a magnet for these creatures. I want so desperately for people I care about to be genuine that I have a blind spot for this disorder; I want the grand, sweeping, impossible claims that Malignant Narcissists make to be true, no matter if they sound too good to be.

These struck me as uncomfortably familiar:

• An inability to listen to others, and a lack of awareness of another person’s deadlines, time frames, or interests. I repeatedly asked for so many forms of consideration, like your not attempting to take a heavy load of groceries from my hand for my fear I'd drop them, not making me late for things, not wearing things that reminded me of horrible times in my life. What you wanted to do at any moment was always more important than the things I asked for.
• An inability to admit wrongdoing, even sometimes when presented with evidence of their ‘wrong’ behavior. Even now you act like ALL of it was my fault, that you did nothing to me, ever.
• Coldness or overly practical responses to interpersonal relationships, a sense of distance or matter-of-factness emotionally. No matter what you say about how you feel all of your actions indicate a calculated decision to be with someone who fits your lifestyle. 

"The cause of excessive Narcissism often stems back to parental issues for the individual, for instance having a narcisistic or overly controlling dominant family member."
Narcissistic parents CAUSE narcissistic children. She did this to you. All the dysfunction in your whole life stems from her. It's not your fault, but you are not alright. You are really not. You can decide to change. NPD may not be the whole of the problem, but there is a problem, and your happiness will always fall apart until you admit it.